Kids Say The Damndest
by Harry Fado
Summary: Time Stamp to Words Get In The Way: Kurt tries to teach Nicky some new words.


**Title**: Kids Say The Damnedest Things**  
Author**: Fatebegins (http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/)**  
Rating**: PG-13 / T**  
Pairing**: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt).**  
Summary**: Kurt tries to teach Nicky some new words.**  
Disclaimer**: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here! (The original post: http:/ fatebegins .livejournal .com/8558 .html)  
**Warning:** AU, postMPREG.

Review? Please? *puppy eyes*

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It turned out, the best part of being a father for Kurt was, of course the fashion involved in it all. Nikolas was basically a gorgeous kid and he wasn't just saying that because he was his. It was a fact. Little old ladies always waylaid them in the grocery store to gush about how they just wanted to "pinch his little cheeks". Nikolas's you tube channel also had over fifty thousand hits, so that said something, right?

When Nikolas had been born, Noah had taken one look at him and joked that he was the mailman's. Kurt hadn't found that funny in the least. It was true, at first glance he looked like he had been dropped from the sky. In spite of having two father with dark hair, Nikolas had somehow managed to emerge with blonde hair, that grew out in fat banana curls. That, was the only inconsistency though if you asked Kurt. Nikolas's eyes were the same ever-changing blue grey as Kurt's but his features were all Noah's, from the stern set of his mouth to his high forehead. Nikolas also, unfortunately as Kurt saw it, took after Noah in almost every way personality wise.

Whenever Kurt sat him down to watch Project Runway, Nikolas would inevitably toddle out of the room and find his way to the study where Noah was watching whatever football, soccer or disgusting contact sport was on. Kurt would have to finish off his program alone, while continuously being interrupted by Nicky's indiscriminate screams of 'goal'. The little boy had no interest in the fabrics and designs his Papa drooled over and would stare at him from Noah's lap, while Kurt went through the samples, each wearing identical looks of bewilderment.

The final straw came when, Kurt came home with Mercedes, ready to take Nikolas's picture for the Baby Gap cute kids contest, and found his model covered in mud, shrieking as he ran up and down the backyard while Noah played football with some friends. He was dressed in a blue corduroy jumper and a grey flannel shirt, hunter rain boots completed his ensemble. Kurt had been horrified when Noah had proudly declared that Nikolas had picked out his own clothes that morning. It was obvious his son had no fashion sense -where in the hell did he get a blue corduroy jumper? He really had to start screening his Dad's gifts- but that was beside the point, the point was that Kurt had taken one look at him that day and decided that he would be picking out Nikolas's clothes from now on, everyday, thank you very much.

Today, Kurt had chosen a multicolored Ralph Lauren broadcloth madras shirt, cotton chino flat front pants and was currently struggling to get on fabulous white Barton suede oxford shoes on his wriggling child, in spite of Nikolas attempting to single ladies kick him in the face several times. When Kurt was finished with him, he looked adorable.

"See Nicky, now you're a businessman, just like Daddy."

Nikolas shook his head. "I wanna be like Diego!"

Kurt rolled his eyes. "What happened to being Barney when you grew up?"

Nikolas considered this, one hand stroking his ear, which was his signature serious thinker pose. "Maybe Barney, Papa." He frowned. "But I don' wanna be urple."

"Purple." Kurt corrected automatically. He dragged Nikolas over to the full length mirror. "What do you think Nicky? Say 'dapper.', that's the word I want you to learn for today."

Nikolas stuck out his tongue and tried to touch his nose instead, then finally shoved his hands in his pockets. "Wrapper!" He concluded.

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Dapper, not wrapper sweetie." He studied his model carefully and an idea hit him. "Oh! Why don't we put a cable knit vest over your -" He began but Nikolas had already taken off down the hallway, little curls bouncing as he ran.

It didn't matter, Kurt sighed, smoothing down his own black Armani v neck sweater, he was going to get Nikolas into that amazing Burberry tan cotton trench coat if it killed him.

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Kurt enjoyed the appreciative looks he got from the staff as he strolled into the main headquarters of Ark Corps. Nikolas had managed to stay awake, a miracle because the shortest car ride put him to sleep in an instant, and was now skipping excitedly in the main lobby. Kurt had got the trench coat on him sans tears and had even been able to add a cashmere twill hat; tucking the blonde ends of his hair under, and swooping his bangs to the left.

Puck grimaced when he came out and saw what Nikolas was wearing. Kurt smirked up at him, pursing his lips which Puck kissed quickly then hefted Nikolas over his shoulder, fantastic ensemble and all, and walked into his office, proclaiming in a creepy voice that he was "taaaaaking zzzeem to zee dungeon bwhaha". Nikolas squealed in delight, apparently he was very big on being brought into the dungeon.

"Not that I'm complaining but what brings you here? Were we supposed to have lunch or something?" He checked his blackberry. "Maybe Katie didn't pencil it in?"

"Just thought that if you were free we could go out for lunch." Kurt looked at him from below his lashes. "You've kind been busy lately."

Puck sighed. "I can't today, I have that stockholders meeting I was telling you about last night." He ripped open a packet of skittles he produced from his desk drawer and gave it to Nikolas whose mouth widened like he was receiving the greatest treasure in the world.

Kurt tsked and grabbed the bag away, poured out five and handed the pieces to Nikolas. "You'll ruin his teeth." He admonished.

"Papa!" Nikolas shrieked, stomping his well booted foot. "That's mine."

"Look at the nemos Nicky!" Kurt's voice was all false surprise and awe. "Look how many nemos Daddy has."

Nicky turned suspiciously but his scowl disappeared as soon as he saw the large fish tank filled with clown fish. Skittle tantrum forgotten, he ran over to press his face against the glass. Puck laughed. Sometimes with his son, it was just too easy.

Kurt lowered his voice. "I don't remember your meeting from last night, but I do remember other things." His fingers toyed with Puck's black tie.

"Oh yeah?" Puck sat against the edge of his desk and tugged Kurt forward into the vee of his legs. "What exactly do you remember? Or do you want me to refresh your memory?" His lips touched Kurt's and he licked into his mouth softly. "Mm. what is that cherry?" Kurt smiled against his mouth.

"I wish we weren't here right now." Noah whispered hotly, his mouth already moving , leaving a trail of kisses on Kurt eyelids, cheeks. "Let's stick Nik with Katie, take a nooner." Kurt shivered and pressed closer.

"Papa! No smooshing daddy!" Nikolas yelled. He had lost interest in the clown fishes or as he called them "nemos" in the tank and was now focused solely on his parents. He glared at them disapprovingly and crossed the room quickly to wriggle in between them. He raised his little arms demandingly until Noah picked him up cooperatively. Once securely held, Nikolas shot Kurt a triumphant look, stroking Noah's hair like he would a dog. "Mine." He stated to no one in particular.

Puck laughed. "Jealous bitch ain't he?"

"Noah! Honestly , don't say words like that in front of him. It took me days to get him to stop saying F-U-C-K. " Puck grinned and Kurt frowned. "His teacher wasn't as amused as you are. I don't need a new hot word to _un_teach him."

"Okay, okay." He held Nikolas out and looked at him curiously. "Hey Kurt?"

"Hm?"

"Why is my son dressed like Captain Homo?" Puck tugged off the hat and ruffled Nik's hair messily. Nik giggled.

"It's called style! And I'll have you know, this was featured on celebrity kids fashion." Kurt snatched the hat away from Puck. "Not everyone can wear the same suit everyday like you."

"Hey!" Puck was offended. " This is Versace, I thought that guy was a big deal to you! And it's not the same suit." He turned to Nikolas and poked his soft cheek. " What do you think about Daddy's clothes? Huh, Nik?"

Nikolas pursed his lips and tilted his head slightly to the left side seriously. He looked so much like Kurt in that moment that Noah found it extremely hard not to burst out in laughter.

Then his eyes light up. "You look like a rapper Daddy!" Nikolas was very pleased with himself for remembering his new word.

Noah groaned exasperatedly." We're going to have to cut down on your MTV time buddy."

"Okay!" Nikolas squealed but Kurt knew the toddler had no idea what was going on.

Kurt dissolved into giggles. "Alright Nicky, say bye-bye to MC Mac daddy" He held his arms out for Nicky. "We're going to be late for afternoon session."

The little boy scowled but allowed himself to be transferred. "Skiddles?"

Kurt laughed. "Fine, maybe five more skittles." Nikolas laid his head on his Papas shoulder, content for the moment. Kurt seized the opportunity to kiss Puck good bye thoroughly; tongues tangling lazily and hot sighs fanning their mouths. Kurt pulled away with a wink and turned to leave.

Puck stopped him. "I think I'll have Katie push back that meeting."

"For lunch?" Kurt asked.

Puck shook his head mischievously, letting his gaze drop down Kurt's toned body suggestively. "For a nooner."

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Photography: http:/ pics .livejournal .com/fatebegins/pic/000049a9/


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